There Are No Coincidences

The “to do” list was full of trivial errands. It was a cold and blustery Monday. I was struggling with something that morning. Nothing new for me but a challenging day where I had been suffering a setback. Excuses had run out and it was much later than I had planned to leave the house. On my drive to the dreaded post office I began talking to myself. Actually I was venting and praying out loud. He’s heard it all before except until recently it was not very sincere and I have been known to go rogue (no Sarah Palin jokes please). I ended my rant with “you are going to have to help me out here. I need strength and I need a sign!” I was blotting a few tears as I pulled into the post office, composed myself and went about my business. It was now almost noon and the line was beginning to form behind me.

She came in the door and we gave each other a big smile of recognition, followed by a retreat. You know that feeling of avoidance when dementia takes control and your mind begins to race. “I know her, but how?” After a moment she broke the ice. “Will Zach be home after he graduates in April?” Now it hit me! Her daughter and my son are friends. We had enjoyed lunch together over Christmas break with our kids who had insisted that we were alike and needed to meet. She and I had connected instantly and our children were probably both excited and overwhelmed by how much we had in common. She and I were actually giddy in the similarities. This second meeting moved into the post office lobby after we had both finished our business. The talk got more involved about some concerns we shared. She and I had bonded earlier over similar mother/daughter relationship issues and ADD /ADHD kid things. She has walked and still tiptoes in my shoes. She has found her grace. I am getting there. We decided that this conversation needed to continue over lunch. So much for my other errands but this was much more inspiring.

Details of what we discussed over lunch are not as important as the point of my story. This was a “timely” meeting. I explained to her how I had delayed leaving the house and of my meltdown in the car. She too had been pulled off course that morning and was late getting started. She had been wanting to share something with me and it had been weighing on her mind until that fateful morning. For almost two hours we shared things that needed to be shared and again, we were in awe of how much we are alike and how similar were our stories. She was confirming my spiritual journey because we are both convinced, there are no coincidences.

Anyone who has known me for more than ten minutes knows I am an open book. I tend to say what I feel and feel what I say. Sometimes it's an asset, sometimes a liability. I have made some big mistakes in my life but I don't feel overall that I have lived in a state of hypocrisy. When I have listened to anyone's pain in the past, my words of comfort were always sincerely “you are in my thoughts”. I never said “in my prayers” because that would have been lying. I did not pray. At best I had been an apathetic Catholic who has been going through the motions. Three confessions in 44 years and yet I have ingested hundreds of communion hosts. You do the math. I am going to hell. Perhaps I am a lousy Catholic, but that does not mean I am not a good person with good intentions. Maybe I just needed to tweak my course.

I’m not a bible thumper. I’m still even a tad concerned about putting much out there in terms of my new found spirituality. But over the years as I have observed other shareholders while still not buying the stock (my broker will appreciate this metaphor), I could not help but realize they are much calmer and much more at peace with their lives and decisions. I have been second guessing and feeling little resolve. Am I ready to hear the lesson?

The signs were always there, I just didn't see them until recently. Some of you reading this know how much you have inspired me because I am sharing things with you and you know we are experiencing something very powerful together. And it's working. And others of you are seeing the changes I am experiencing and I think you appreciate them. The day I gave a devotion with a personal spin and broke down in front of 30 women I barely knew was both intimidating and gratifying because everyone had a similar story. When I finish writing my thoughts, I feel accomplished. As soon as I publish them, I worry that I have shared too much. By sharing, I have allowed you to see my human and fragile side. I hope you feel that we share some human frailties and that I have given you something worth considering and sharing. But most of all, I hope you feel that you are not alone.