Damn Day!

Suffering from writer’s block, I decided to tweak a story I wrote in 2003 after another routine day as a working mother. While this day was exceptionally stressful, with humor I'm also describing how I felt nearly every working day.  Guys should know this contains girl talk, mentions feminine products and may not portray your gender in a particularly kind way. Feel free to eavesdrop but you have been warned!

This is dedicated to all mothers everywhere, because all mothers work!
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The day began early and would now be extra frustrating because I had just realized that I was low on tampons. This meant I was A) very crabby and B) dreading a trip to the store because my day was packed. You can already feel the tension, can’t you? I was up earlier than usual because the dog had an appointment to be neutered. Dick and I had exchanged a few words so in my PMS fog I was mentally redecorating the master bedroom in a feminine scheme just in case I were to find myself single. I went to the den to check my business e-mail, only to have the dog follow me and promptly chew through the power cord on my corporate issued laptop! Sparks flew, Cooper yelped and the icon for the charger now indicated that the laptop was not charging! Damn dog! Leaving Dick in charge of the morning school routine, I grabbed the dog and the marathon began.

I deposited Cooper at the vet clinic and continued on to work. I needed to finish a proposal which had to be mailed that afternoon to meet a deadline. I now had a power cord to buy as well as tampons, and experience told me I was not going to find them in the same store. I needed another errand like I needed a second husband, two more children and another dog. I had planned to stop at a drug store before work but an extraordinarily long commute in Pittsburgh’s morning rush hour had eaten up my window of opportunity. I got to the office by 8:30 and buried myself in my work. Damn traffic!

I had skipped lunch since I was stressed over my part of the proposal and needed to leave early, so it had been a long day with still no end in sight. Low blood sugar and PMS would be a deadly combination for anyone who got in my way. My head was pounding as I left the office at 4:00, popping Ibuprofen on an empty stomach. Damn PMS! I still had to buy a power cord, pick up the dog, make dinner, take Jordan to meet Dick at the dentist for their back to back appointments, attend a meeting at Jordan’s school and buy tampons! My first stop was at Radio Shack. I dropped $120 on the cord. Damn Radio Shack! Leaving the store, a frantic call from my office alerted me that the proposal had to be changed because the broker had given us an incorrect spelling of the prospect’s name...the proposal I had skipped lunch to finish so it could ship that afternoon to meet a bid deadline. I now had to call the broker to get an executive order to stop the shipment and spent the next 30 minutes in the car on the phone figuring out these details while navigating traffic. Damn brokers! No time to stop at the drug store!

Nearly catatonic, I arrived home to find my daughter, Jordan inconsolable because her best friend had not sent her a birthday party invitation. Certain that this was a mistake, I called the friend's mother to get the story straight only to find that a disagreement had apparently soured the friendship and this was indeed true! Feeling the pain of Jordan's broken heart, I mentally scorned this mother and daughter duo. Damn girl drama! With a growling tummy, tearful child, a dog waiting at the vet and no dinner ideas, I was also down to one tampon. I called my neighbor, but she only had one to spare. “I’ll take it” I said sending Jordan to her house to retrieve it on our way out the door!

Next stop was the vet where Cooper had racked up another $120, but this time it included painkillers! While paying the bill, Zach called asking to spend the night at a friend's house to finish a project. This required me to pack and drop off an overnight bag. I had just picked up two more tasks. Damn school project! Now it was time to meet Dick at the dentist where he was getting a root canal and Jordan would get a tooth filled. We arrived promptly at 6:30. I made brief chit chat with the receptionist who collected Jordan and then rushed off to the 7:00 meeting at school....still no dinner, no tampons and I had noticed earlier that Jordan had one tiny line of homework which would loom over us until bedtime. Damn homework!

Arriving back home after a breezy meeting, with Taco Bell in hand I found that Cooper, sick from the anesthesia had developed a case of the runs in the kitchen. Jordan was responding like a typical 11 year old, complete with gagging noises. Dick was cranky from his root canal and impatient with the cleaning chore. Nobody could eat because of dental pain, Novocaine and lingering thoughts of dog poop. Double damn dog!  I packed a bag for Zach and was just about to leave, only to be interrupted by my 16 year old senile cat, Woody who had just christened the brand new carpet. This required immediate action! Armed with enzyme cleaner and a wet vac, I began cleaning, taking several phone calls in between. One call was my impatient son wanting to know when he might receive his bag. It was now after 9:00. Damn cat!

At 9:15, I was back in the car. I called to RSVP to a party along the way and then made plans with a friend, dropped off the bag for my son, got to the store just before closing, and scored TWO boxes of tampons! I finally made it home at 10:00 to crash! I was greeted by a husband with a Scotch in his hand in serious pain from the root canal begging to be mothered. I briefly considered giving him the dog's pain medication and a lecture about childbirth, but instead I found an expired bottle of Percocet from some previous surgery in the drug cabinet. He would never know. I refilled his Scotch, pulled out the heating pad for his neck, an icepack for his cheek, administered the drugs, faked empathy while I rubbed his back, watched a few minutes of Monday Night Football then excused myself for a hot shower. Damn men! I stopped along the way to peek in on Jordan who was sound asleep with Cooper on her bed. My heart softened as I tucked the covers around her and stroked both her and Cooper's heads.

11:00 and nearly 18 hours since my day began, all was finally quiet as I melted under the sheets, escaped into my book and soon into slumber. Then I heard noises upstairs and looked at the clock. It was after midnight. The dog was slowly hobbling down the steps, followed by Jordan who was gagging and complaining vociferously. Still not feeling well from the anesthesia, Cooper had vomited all over her bed and carpet! Triple damn dog! I went back to the laundry room for the wet vac and supplies, readily available from the cat's earlier episode. I checked for a pulse as I passed by Dick sound asleep on the couch, threw a blanket on him and turned off the television. Damn men! I tucked Jordan into the guest bedroom, stripped her bed and began a load of laundry! At 1:00 a.m. I was now into a new day, scrubbing another carpet while everyone else slept. Five more hours until the alarm clock would put me right back into the grind. Damn alarm clocks! Thank goodness I had plenty of tampons!