The quest for Jane Lite

I have been a hero and a villain, a martyr and a victim, a disciplinarian and an enabler. And that’s sometimes all before noon. I have woken up as Dr. Jekyll and gone to bed as Mrs. Hyde. No, I do not have multiple personalities. I am the parent of Jordan, an ADHD teenager. Technically at 18 she is an adult. She reminds me every time I threaten to take her “hand held device” or her car.

All kids provide us with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows occasionally. What mother has not experienced that door slamming, name calling, high drama moment which makes her want to revoke her membership in the parent club? However kids with ADHD can bring out those feelings routinely, sometimes even hour to hour. It's a bumpier ride than most which lasts a bit longer. It begins much earlier than the teen years with impulsiveness and emotional irregularity being the underlying problems. It may be hard to separate the child from the condition when you are in the throes of it.

ADHD has equipped me with vocational skills for which I have never received compensation. I am a warrior, used to seeing heavy combat. (Fortunately there have been no casualties to report). I have flight experience as a helicopter parent who has monitored everything from homework to friendships. I am a professional athlete because no matter how hard I try to stay on the sidelines, I’m often called into the game. I am a skilled mediator/negotiator, who has bargained with my daughter every week of her life to not quit something and with God to give me the condensed version of this very long lesson. With absolutely no gymnastic training, I became her cheerleader when teachers or coaches did not give her the support she needed to succeed. I’ve also been on call as a therapist when anxiety and panic paralyzed her in the middle of the night.

As the parents of these children, we are our own worst critics. Our kids are often rejected by other "normal" kids and adults, criticized routinely and usually quite low on self esteem.  It's a problem born out of the struggles with being different. My burden like any parent is that I wear my child's heart on my sleeve. My job is to love my daughter unconditionally and to be her advocate when necessary. Journaling and sharing my thoughts are both a way to let it go and to educate others on the life of an ADHD family.

For 18 years I have been living in a chronic hyper-vigilant sentinel mode. It has warped my personality and I am on a quest for balance. So with a good dose of spirituality, the love of my family, some very dear friends with generous ears, and a good sense of humor I am off to find “Jane Lite”. It also helps to retain a good therapist and to enjoy a few glasses of wine on this journey. I hope you will enjoy the adventure with me!